13. Love and Pain

I have a history of abusive relationships. First with the City of Chicago. It brutalizes me for 5 months every year, and every year I say I'm going to leave. Then come July it smiles that smile at me, I forget I was ever mad.

My second abusive relationship is with the craft of photography. I would give my whole heart to photography if it would have it. But the more time I try to spend with it, the more I feel like I'm being shaken down for money. Every little new thing I wanna do requires this $600 lens or that $800 flash. And because I can't walk away I somehow come up with the money.

The latest thing I "have" to have is a $600 fish-eye lens. I mean how am I supposed to take super-cool pictures without it? Then there's this $350 portrait lens that would just make taking snapshots so much easier. Oh, and I still don't have a camera bag. That's about 60 bucks.

How I'll end up with any of things I don't know yet. But I'd be really surprised if I didn't have that portrait lens by the end of the year. The bag, too. And that fish-eye is probably the first thing I'd buy with an "extra" $600. Oh well...

12. Gone With The Wind

#5 on the list of things I'll be writing about a lot: Running. Seven years into our relationship I've finally decided to get serious. Five miles a day, five days a week, til death do us part.

When I made this resolution it was 15 degrees in Chicago. No worries. Nike makes magical cold weather running clothes. And it just so happens that I drive past a Nike Factory Store every day on my way home from school. So me and my spiffy new gear have been getting it in since January.

Today I decided to time myself. The (long-term) goal has always been 5 miles in 50 minutes. I ran 10:00s Tuesday and dang near died. So today I shot for easy 11:00s. First mile (the warm-up mile) came in at 10:04. Wowness. Second mile... 10:54. Not bad. Third mile... 10:35. I am killing these miles.

So at this point I'm wondering why it is exactly I'm breezing through 10s today when the same run was murdering me 48 hours ago. Maybe my form sucks, and all that extra energy I was expending two days ago wasn't actually making me any faster. Or maybe I'm solar-powered =), and the fact that it was 78 degrees and sunny in Chicago today made my legs super efficient.

Or maybe... the fact that I set out with the wind at my back today meant that banging out 10s was no problem, while running into the wind on Tuesday made it dang near impossible. This made me think of that Affirmative Action analogy about the runner who's so used to having the wind on his side that he doesn't even notice. But let it start blowing for someone else...

Of course, this post is about running, not Affirmative Action. So I'll end on that note. Tomorrow's goal: 5 miles, 55 minutes.

11. LeWade

From Joakim Noah and Derek Rose, To Lebron James and Dwayne Wade (via Bill Simmons):

Dear LeBron and Dwyane,

We are wired correctly. We give a crap. We want to win. We are really really good. We are warriors. We could absolutely be the second-best and third-best guys on a team that wins multiple titles. Sadly, this can't happen without one of you. Please think about Chicago. It's cold during the winter, but during the spring and summer, there's no better place. It's the No. 3 TV market. It's the city that once had the greatest player ever. We're firing our coach and GM this summer; if you want, you can pick the next two guys. We want to win titles. Not title ... titles. By the way, Joakim wants you to know that he isn't nearly as annoying if he's your teammate.

Much respect,
Joakim and Derrick

No better place, indeed.

10. Tina Fey is a Genuis

If you are not watching 30 Rock, do. It really is a smart show.

9. The Windy, Watery, Wonderful City

About halfway through my run this evening (Good decision #2), I took a break and stepped off the run path to catch my breath. Wandering across the grass toward the lake, I stumbled on what I've adopted as my own private little cove.

After my family, Lake Michigan is a big part of the reason I plan to live the better part of my life in Chicago.

8. Green-Eyed Writing Monsters

As a writer who doesn't write, I spend a fair bit of time thinking about what I would write if I did. For prose and poetry, this is rarely a problem. I've recently come to the realization that I am not a poet, and I have never had a problem producing prose.

But for narrative, I am at a complete standstill. Some years ago I made up my mind to be a novelist. I've never put down that decision even though I've not nearly carried it out. The problem is that I am not particularly gifted at narration. Nearly every word in literally every sentence has to be wrenched from the deepest creative recesses of my brain. I can come up with some pretty good sentences. But it is a pain. There is no flow.

Then there's Jhumpa Lahiri. I almost never read fiction. I can count the fiction I've read in the last 5 years on one hand. But for some reason, I picked up Ms. Lahiri's "Interpreter of Maladies." I don't know how much time Ms. Lahiri spends on her sentences but they read like magic. Her writing is true from start to finish, and there is something effortless about it. She makes worlds. And after 2 or 3 lines you are in those worlds. Period. In rooms with characters really too real to be called characters.

And for the life of me I cannot figure out how she does it. Why is her woman standing at a stove so much more real than my woman standing at a stove? I find myself asking while (thinking about) writing, "How would Jhumpa Lahiri tell this story?"

She really is brilliant.

7. Twelve Steps

I've decided to take this healthy eating thing one good decision at a time. Since I was inspired (or shamed) by a Nicorette commercial this afternoon, I'm thinking if folks can give up cigarettes I can give up junk food. Today that meant choosing crudités over a brownie-flavored energy bar. I actually enjoyed it. Maybe going for this run I don't feel like going on will be Good Decision #2.

6. Teabagging

Since I don't have HBO (I should be rectifying that soon), I often forget that I'm in love with Bill Maher. I was recently reminded though. My boo has joined the Tea Party =).

5. Border Patrol

Among the issues that consistently capture my interest in politics, Immigration Reform stays somewhere between the first and third spot. Today it's killing everything else. Yesterday it was second to welfare reform. So things change up pretty quickly.

But it always strikes me that what one person means when they say "reform" is diametrically opposed to what someone else means. I don't know how quickly it would have come up without the Arizona bill, but 2010 should be an interesting year for immigration policy. I see some longish immigration musings in my future.

4. Heavy Rotation

I have been listening to "Let Go" by Frou Frou for about 3 weeks. It's become my semi-official "Get your ass outta bed and do something" banger. The message is great and the production just makes you wanna cast off and float away.

"So hand me that remote. Can't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow?"

3. "They Want Me With My Hands Up"

Some folks in Chicago are tossing around the idea of using the National Guard to help stem the violence in the city. There have been 100+ homicides in the first 4 months of 2010. The mayor and lots of others are against it, but it's an interesting idea. What do you do when a segment of the population is essentially cannibalizing itself?

I had this conversation recently with someone who was adamant that lack of opportunity was the driving force behind criminal behavior. I.e. if they had something better to do they wouldn't be in the streets. I don't buy it. I'm always struck by the fact that victims of violence grow up in the same neighborhoods, go to same schools, and face the same socioeconomic constraints as their attackers. So how does one end up the shooter and the other the shootee?

No doubt opportunity is part of it. Kids in poor neighborhoods are presented with opportunities for delinquency on a scale that kids in more affluent neighborhoods rarely are. But whether they take that opportunity I think has much more to do with the job their parents are doing than most liberals are willing to admit. As a good liberal, I hate to vilify poor parents, but if a poor white couple raised a bigot in Appalachia, I think we'd have something to say to them about it. We ought to have as least as much to say to poor parents who raise shooters in Englewood.

2. Food Fight

I recently had my nutritional moment of clarity. The short version is that I realized that in 40 years (God willing), the food I'm eating now will either be the reason I'm well or the it'll be the reason I'm ill. It'll be the reason I have diabetes, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, no energy, and $200/month prescription bill, or it'll be the reason I don't. So I've entered a serious transition in my food life.

The way I see it, "eating food" (real good food) is going to require that I make a number of changes. Among them:

1. Giving up fast food, except on the rarest occasions. And never, ever eating anything off of a Dollar Menu. Even before my food epiphany it didn't seem right to me that someone could sell a hamburger for a dollar. Whatever you're doing (or not doing) to cows that you can raise, house, feed, slaughter, butcher, process, ship, cook, and serve them for 99 cents and still make a profit, I want no parts of it.

2. Eating raw vegetables. Right now this one means a salad for dinner every night. I'm trying to vary up what I put on them but at present its baby greens, tomatoes and cucumbers. I foresee green and red peppers, broccoli, red onions, sliced carrots, maybe some corn (maybe not), and assorted fruits. Sometimes I cook up some fish to go with it.

The crazy thing is I could feel a difference in my body almost immediately. Waking up with a system full of raw vegetables feels totally different than waking up with a gut full of 99 cent burger meat. Try it.

3. Upping the food budget. Originally I was shooting for a $200/month grocery bill. I think $250 may prove to be more realistic. Though in fairness, a huge tub of baby greens is like 7 bucks, so if I really wanted to be healthy I could probably eat for almost nothing. I do enjoy that fish though.

4. Cooking. I do not like it (except for vanilla cupcakes). But it's something I've always known I should do. Still, I would murder Jerry Seinfeld in a cereal eating contest.

5. Giving up (most) sugar. I read somewhere that a healthy sugar intake is no more than 40 grams (of added sugar) per day. That's the amount in one regular Pepsi. Half that is in most bowls of cereal. Add a granola bar and you're done for the day. Eating fruit has been key with this one. I've gotten to know bananas very well.

6. Eating organic (and maybe local). This is a big one for me. I did it years ago when I was on food stamps and not paying for my own food (... an inevitable post for another time). I'm doing it again now. It's crazy how different a tomato tastes when it hasn't been gassed and shipped across the country.

That's about it for now. If you're interested, The Future of Food is available free on hulu and Food, Inc. is up on LetMeWatchThis.com. I won't link to it because I'd hate to encourage anyone to infringe on their copyright. I'm just saying, if you were to go there, they'd have it.

1. Aint Nothin to It...

Welcome to my very random blog. Since I have no idea how to open, and nothing in particular to say, I'm going to use my first post to introduce a few of the personality quirks that will probably drive this blog.

1. I am, for the most part, a writer who doesn't write. Now I have something to be accountable for.

2. I am obsessed with baking the perfect vanilla cupcake. So should this project hold up, there will be many, many cupcake updates.

3. I am in love with the written word, and terrified that we are neglecting it into obscurity. You can expect me to rail consistently about e-books, the death of penmanship, the end of letter writing, and people who type '2' instead of 'to' when it's only one more frikkin character!

4. I'm in an on again-off again relationship with politics. When we're together it's pretty serious. When we're not I can go quite a long time without mentioning his name.

So there you have it. I look forward to the randomness.